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08:55 pm
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3 weeks left of college....
Holy Cow...how did these past 4 years go by this fast? So tonight is the second to last friday night with the girls in the house. We are going to 7B for a party later....last night Kim. Kerri and I went out. I think senior week is gonna be a blast even though Jillian was mopping the whole time we were in line for senior week tickets and at riverfest last weekend. I'm going to the formal stag but not becuase Tom doesn't want to go with me...jut becuase he has to work and is coming to hang out earlier on in senior week....I'm excited for this end of an era, not scared as I was in high school. Sure I'm leaving this place that I now consider more of home than westborough but....I will never lose the great friendships and lessons I gained here. I'm just gonna be as happy as I can be these last 3 weeks, work hard, party harder and smile. That's all I can do. I'm so happy right now too...I have everything I could ever want leaving college, great friends, I know who I am...and what I love...and no matter what happens this summer with the job situation or anything whatever is...is meant to be....I've had the best few weeks ever. Last weekend at riverfest we all hung out and I remembered how fun it was to be with these people. Danielle, Al, Kim and I are lucky good good friends since the second day of freshman year...that's tough. I feel so lucky. This year was the best year I could ever asked for. I made up for all the partying I didn't do freshman year, I met some really nice guys (learned that sometimes you just got to let go to find what you want), and learned that going with the flow is the best way to have fun. :) I don't know what's next for me..but I know this...it's gonna be amazing.
Current Mood:  giddy
Current Music: Dark Blue-Jack's Mannequin
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03:41 pm
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The Future.....looks bright?
So this weekend I went to WPI for Valentine's day and yes, the rumors are true John and I are together. We talked over everything and now that I think of it all the things he said to me a year ago...were what i used to say to him as to why I wanted to stay with Ryan....but no matter...the past is the past. I went to John's so that we could figure out what both of us wanted and after four years of will they won't they get it right...I think we FINALLY DID. He wants me to be happy, I want him to be happy and we are undeniably happy together. He made this delicous dinner saturday night...(omg....to die for), we saw friday the 13th which I evidently bought him years ago....(wow...the things you forget) and we watched maid of honor on saturday night, we went to panera...and just relaxed together all weekend, he made us pina colladas...SOO GOOD....we talked about being with eachother every weekend this summer and next year....and just decided to have the best try at this that we can...But I think John is right..."this time it will all work out"....I mean there are no egotistical stupid ex's trying to squash the love...AND I know that he's what I want and I know we are the best of friends and he knows that too....So now we can be the best boyfriend and girlfriend that we always wanted to be and the whole me being 20 mintues away instead of 3 and half hours really helps. :) Yes, I may have to work at stop and shop for another summer, yes a might not get the apartment/job of my dreams for another year or so but at least I'll have the most important thing, my best friend and "partner in crime". :)
Current Mood:  touched
Current Music: The Adventure-Angels and Airwaves
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06:13 pm
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The Last semester of Marist...
So in a week I will be going to back to Marist for the last time...for spring semester. I'm not sad...I'm just excited though. I think I realize now after this break that after college I'll get to be with john...doing what I love and it's only 4 months of amazingness away...so why should I be sad. Yeah, I might lose some of my friendships from college but if I lose them they weren't strong anyways. i'm just gonna have the best time I can, party, look for jobs, do the best job I can on the fox forum with rich and just enjoy every weekend I can...go to the city, do all the things I didn't do yet in poughkeeepsie that I wanted. And just make the best out of the last 4 months with the 6 most amazing girls I've met in my life. I'm glad this vacation happened becuase I got my best guy friend back...my better half...but I got myself last semester and I'm gonna give her the best last semester of college she deserves. I might go to wpi for v-day but I'm not gonna leave marist for anything else...becuase I love it there and I don't want to miss anything fun the girls have planned. Liz said we are gonna party hard for my brithday and I hope we do for every last weekend possible. This year has been everything I want and more...and I want that for the spring semester as well. I also want to find an awesome job but that will be secondary to just enjoying myself and getting A's. :) Let's finish making this the best year ever.
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: missing you-Tyler Hilton
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07:53 am
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the first 4 days of break,...
So after a very dramatic trip home....I got here. Thank god. My car wasn't so lucky but Chris is gonna drive me to work so it's okay! Then friday it snowed ALOT so Matt came over we watched the new indie movie which was bad but not as bad as i thought it was gonna be....(probally becuase we didn't see all of it)...lol. Then saturday we shopped more...and i worked. Then sunday same thing....but sunday I got txts from Luke, Chris, and John. And the last one was a shocker...since yeah it's john...but I should have known...we went to lunch and the chemistry was there of course....and he was like do you want to get back together after this semester....i know you like your freedom senior year...but I miss you and so lets see what happens.....I'm not gonna close any doors but I'm not gonna promise him anything either....I'm seeing joe on friday...just becuase i feel bad for the poor guy...lol. Chris is okay with us being just friends but I'm not sure if that will work out well once he finds out that John and I are seeing alot of each other....oh well.....Merry Christmas! :) have fun with your families! :)
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: I will be- Avirl...
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10:03 am
[Link] | Also why is it that now that i don;t want a guy....like 5 are coming out of the woodwork? Luke, Thomas, Matt, Chris and John have talked to me in the past week.
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09:41 am
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Last night...
So yesterday, John imed me and wanted to talk...so I talked to him for a few mintues and then went to class. Then last night I was hanging out with my girlfriends till like 12. But I left my AIM on..and when I got back John had imed me....we talked till 3 in the morning....and it was a really fun conversation. I'm not gonna think anything but we're friends again (even though there was flirting beucase there will always be flirting) But I don't think it's a bad thing. He aplogized for the way he acted last spring and with everything at work. I think maybe we have grown up enough to be friends at least...We'll see how it goes. But the whole nigth it was he never left my life...and I did miss him but now I feel like I don't need him so I feel like it's a better situation. It's not like my heart is like dependent on him so I think now we can actually have a fun time together...I mean I still have 2 weeks till break and who knows what will happen between then and now...but....I don't think it could hurt to just talk to the kid.
Current Mood:  surprised
Current Music: With you-Chris Brown
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08:48 pm
[Link] | paris..paris...my forgotten lover. lol. You made me miss it. But I just should go to the met with Thomas and I'll be okay....I miss you soo much...you need to be here but you're not. Allie and I had fun today but it would have been better if you were here...::hugs::
only like a month until i see you? yay!!!
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Love song~taylor swift
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05:50 pm
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Good Halloween
So of course last night rocked. We two 3 parties with Kim. One big senior/junior party in lower west, one in foy and another in lower fulton. We had alot of fun! I talked to alot of guys. I was pumped to talk to one sophomore..I know, I know a young one but he's cute and can write poetry...SUE ME. :p Anyways. one of Kim's brother's roomates totally hit on me...I wanted to say..."LOOK UP HERE BUDDY!!! I KNOW WONDER WOMAN HAS HOT BOOBS!!!" Then me and kim came back here and I hooked up with Luke...I don't really want to hang with him today im just in a chill mood probally because he told me I'm the marrying type not the hooking up...I wish I was more spontanious in that department but I just can't be...it's who I am. Anyways...last night def. made up for the beginning of the week STUPIDNESS. YAY. It was a halloween to remember and I spent it with my best girl since freshman year, that's all that matters. :)
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Riot Radio-Nick and Nora Soundtrack
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01:27 pm
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Guys Suck, Halloween Rocks.
So the date tuesday ended in him being like...ummmm I don't think this gonna work...uh buddy you were the one that wanted things to go fast....are you kidding me...I would have gone whatever speed he wanted becuase i just wanted to have fun and i was having fun but it ended in no fun....oh well. Some Guys are silly. Luke is coming up tonight for halloween so i told him I'd save him a dance, me and russ talked today becuase well it's halloween and we have halloween history...lol. I figure at nothing else ill dance with a few fun guys. I tlaked to chris last night and i told him I was worry about last weekend but who knows what's gonna happen with that....gah. Anyways...I'm just gonna enjoying soemone else for the night and then go back to being....Senior in College, Stressing about 2 more months of this semester tomorrow :) Plus Thanksgiving could be good?
Current Mood:  naughty
Current Music: Thriller Remix-Micheal Jackson
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06:23 pm
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Of coruse it happens now.....
So friday night Liz invited this kid Sal to our house for a party who I thought was cute when he came to fix her computer. And I was nervous becuase well i thought he was cute...and didn't know much about him but we started talking around 11 and didn't stop till 2 and only stopped becuase I had to go to a Milton-a-ton till 9pm the next day. Then on saturday I went over to his house and hung out with him till 3. We talked about everything and anything...and I REALLY like him..We're going on a date tomorrow and I can't wait and never can he judging by his texts and such....I just wish it was tonight..gah. I'm happy this is happening now but why do i always fall for the guys senior year...i just don't GET It. teehee. Off to be non-productive some place else.
Current Music: Kiss the Rain
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01:11 pm
[Link] | I'm giving up on guys. love. and anything romantic....for the rest of the semester.
Why do I always pick the wrong guys? What is wrong with me?
Current Music: We are Broken~Paramore
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01:48 pm
[Link] | So this weekend is turning into a...I don't want a relationship/im not ready for a relationship realization which sucks...becuase i feel like a TOTAL bitch for making him come up here to realize it...but im not fucking ready....the whole night last night i was like STOP treating me like im a god....I don't want that. I just want a guy to have FUN WITH!! Not avoid like the pague. GAH. HELp...oh wait your not even here...so you can't.
GRRRRR.
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02:05 pm
[Link] | After this week of hot and cold boys, fun nights but not boy crazy ones...I'm starting to realize how good I had it this summer and I took it for granted. I just assumed I'd come back here and find something better, I mean given I've been here 3 weeks so maybe there will be something later...but all the guys here I've met so far are just jerks who want one thing....what do you think I should do? Chris is gonna come up and visit in october and we talked last night we're gonna stay single till then and see how the weekend goes...but I find myself missing him alot...I think it's the fact that he's the type of guy I used to be attracted to...sweet. innocent. and happy. But I don't know...We're going to Darby's tonight for Sarah's brithday that should be fun...maybe there will sane boys there...but probally just a few more dance partners...thoughts on the subjects......??
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09:28 pm
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I've been here a day and it's already 20 times better than i thought senior year could be..:)
So yes, as thought before this house is ten times better than b5 thank god...they all like boys half of them are single and the other half have great boyfriends (or so they say) We just had dinner together and talked for a few hours upstairs. They want to have parties, they love to dance, talk about boys and the oc, gossip girl and dawson's...they are you guys in college form...holy shit....this was my dream come true...oh and when i was talking to some of them upstairs rich imed me and we ARE going out to dinner and then maybe oout tomorrow night....I also hung out with allison and kim last night...and the girls this afternoon....I'm loving my new freedom..thank you for pushing me towards making a self decision and for coming to my 21st proving that you are the better friend than b5 girls....ahhh i love it here...I wish you could come visit with these girls but alas you will be in spain and france...I love you. Write when you can :)
Current Location: Marist College
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: The view- Modest Mouse
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02:14 pm
[Link] | I'm starting senior year in 2 days and it feels so good to day im going back to school with no regrets. I said goodbye to chris today I feel bad becuase he likes me way more than I like him but he knew that in may so at least im not being a bitch. I'm just ready to go back to school and see where this rich thing goes or doesn't go, to be vp of las and co-editor of foxforum and do all those things I wanted to do freshman year but was too scared to do...I want to dance with alot of guys, get sick, get on deans list...and just have the best senior year with my friends I can have...I did it four years ago...and I can do it again...becuase after this year we're not coming back and I want to make every moment count. I think I have to tell rich how I feel to do that...but I'll see what happens the first weekend first....Luke's gonna show up...which will be interesting to say the least...I'm just glad there's not guys from home who will be calling me non-stop or anything like that...I feel like this year is a complete clean slate...new roomates, same friends, new guys..and new goals...it's gonna be good...and if it's not it's because im scared and im not gonna allow that to happen...WIsh me luck...I'm gonna miss you sage....but ill just write you long ass ljs or facebook messages! Let's make a pact that we will just have the best year ever and come back and tell eachother all about it....:) I hope allie does break up with jon next week because then one era will be comepletely done for the ending of this next one...:) enjoy the next few days and then love being abroad you deserve it...and if you miss me...don't worry ill be writing. :)\
I'm just glad that at the begining of the best year of college thus far....i am comepletely free to what I wish and yes I am scared to get hurt again but the guys in my future aren't the guys from my past and I just need to realize that and move forward. :)
Current Music: the good kind-The Wreckers
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05:35 pm
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different worlds
so i talked to rich for 2 hours on monday...it was awesome..we flirted it was awesome...i love being around him and I know this fall is gonna be amazing...but then today I started talking to him and I thought it was gonna be another one of those...omg i miss you...i missed you too kinda talks.,..but then he tells me that his high school friend got shot...I asked him if he was okay...and told him i was sorry to hear that...and that if he needed to talk i'm around but how am i suppose to react to that? I didn't grow up with that shit...I lived in a stupid yuppy town with yuppy parents and all the shit in the world....and im falling for this sweetheart who has nothing but his friends...who have to go through alot of shit that I have never even fathumed...he said what I said today meant alot...and i know he understood that I did what I thought was right...but man....hearing stuff like that shakes me...I mean the biggest thing that happened to my friends from hs is ryan's dad dying of CANCER...gah....i hope this whole...fun, likes writing...good friends thing is enough for him but I'm not exactly equipt to help someone...who's "friend got shot..." by some gang....:/
Current Mood:  blank
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01:26 pm
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last weekend, beach, babysitting and sixflags with the girls
So last weekend for alyssa's birthday jillian came up. We went to the beach and talked out all our issues...i think we realized not living together is going to help us just be best friends without the drama. I just don't want a second mom you know. Also we had a ton of fun...she told me all about a new boy she liked...but that was before she met him in person..now she thinks he's a total freak...and only gave him a hand shake at the end of their "date" how funny is that? but yeah that just goes back to my rule of knowing the person before you agree to start talking on the phone intensely. But anyways...so we went to the beach and had alot of fun...then we went to this cute italian place portobello and had a bottle of wine it was yummy...and then mikeshakes at friendlies..who doesn't LOVe milkshakes. Then jillian went home and I had a short work week becuase this weekend I went to boston with Shi...which was really fun we went to fire and ice he had never been and we went shopping i got a cute shirt and shoes for 30 bucks. We also talked alot about everything from what happened in high school which is basicly the reason we didn't talk for 2 years and everything else that is new...he says he thinks i changed for the better and I think I did too...I hope it's permiant. then saturday the little cusions came and I talked to Alex a ton..I think he might end up being a film geek which would be cool..I could be like my cusion made this MOVIE. OMG even though by then ill be like a MOM. anyways....it was really fun but my mom is worried becuase kate my other cusion is probally autistic but i mean what can you do...life is life. Then sunday night the girls came :) I love them. I think the whole not living together but being really close still is gonna rock. We talked about alida's dumb dad, the weddings, senior year...and waht we might want to do when senior year is over...gah but reluctantly...we also talked about spring break i hope allie lets me come to ireland or something....Yesterday we went to sixflags and it was a really fun kick off of senior year...we went on alot of rides and talked each other's ears off about everything that is school...gah...i missed them this summer but I know now that senior year is gonna be killer. I got an emial from alex today telling us that aug. 30 is not that far away and we need to start thinking about offical las stuff...im really excited..scared but excited I know it will be alot of extra work but it's with rich and we have so much fun together who knows it could lead to even more fun...gah I just want it to be ny time NOOOOOW. yesterday was so fun with the girls and I know school will be ten times better because ill have the guys to run to too. Sam is gonna be a freshman, allie's gonna be 21, and basicly everyone is gonna be able to go out on the weekends. SEnior year is gonna be alot of work, alot of devotion but also alot of fun and im ready for it...even if it means my days of freedom in summer are coming to a close...I'm glad the way it's ending...it's really being the best summer I could have asked for for my last and there wasn't even a guy involved...I say that with sooo much happiness it's not even funny....(and really it's a lie becuase I had rich and chris...but they weren't the major focus and that is a good thing)....basicly the purpose of this entry was to prove to myself (and keep forever) the shift from scared little girl *damsel in distress* to *self sufficent hot single..is a good one..yeah i have a crush that i hope works out senior year but i have so much else going for me my life is no longer revolving around a guy and it's awesome. Enjoy the last few weeks of summer....can't wait to see you *SAgie* :)
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: move along- All American Rejects
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05:03 pm
[Link] | so last night i told chris that we should just be FRIENDS with no benefits becuase i really am starting to like rich even more (we have been talking a lot on aim and facebook and otherwise...so i realize if i really like him i shouldn't be kissing some other guy who i just want to be him....today he wrote on my wall..."I vote we re-edit all the foxforums from last semester so we can spend more time in the library together..." and saturday night we talked about going to six flags, the bronx zoo and all that jazz...gah i miss him I just want it to be sunday back at school when i can sit in my room after a long day of moving kids in and fall a sleep with him watching a movie....Gusssssh. I hope this one doesn't hurt me becuase he's such a good one right now...and i know we're gonna have a ton of fun this year....I just can't wait...
boston tomorrow with Shi
babysitting all weekend
Six flags with the girls on monday...sleepover sunday :) I love the end of summer.
Current Mood:  loved
Current Music: head over feet-Alanis
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01:12 pm
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Jillian's coming!!!!
So jillian should be here in a like 4 hours. :) yay. This summer is ending up to be somewhat of the best one in a while...but I guess once you get over the 2 guys who made your life a dramafest...you kinda get happy. I talked to rich last night and he was soo funny....he wants to go to sixflags and the bronx zoo when we go back to school...and of course we have all thos ecrazy nights....he's such a flirt. I was like i'll go on the rollercoasters if you hold my hand.... you just wait...and he was like "ill be waiting" and he got all "upset" when i said i was happy to see them becuase i missed jillian and alyssa like 10 times more tahn i miss him...gah but i really just want to sit and my room and talk to him....but i have no idea what's gonna happen with us and that makes me kinda giddy...also the whole jarett thing would be cool...so if we go for ice cream....we'll see from there....things are just looking like 10 million times better than they were last summer at this time...i wonder why? hahaha. Yesterday i kinda got this overwhelming feeling that chris shouldn't be there though..I think im realizing that he was another attempt of my girly scared girl to hold on to something i knew would happen and I think im realizing the risky guys are more worth it...does that make me a bad person? he's a sweet kid but he's just not what i want right now....
are you gonna be here soon? in like 2 weeks probally which is perfect :) yay.
Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Get higher- Matt Nathanson
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09:26 am
[Link] | so last night i say ps. i love you and balled like a baby at the end...probally because it's been a year since "the love of my life" left my life forever...and i realized it's time to move on even if im scared as hell that im gonna get hurt again but it's time....it was a good therapy session chris and I are going to see the dark knight today and jillian is coming next weekend which im pumped about becuase i need girls again. Im sick of boys boys boys mostly because chris is kinda getting to the point where ryan was when i thought it was cute but now im just like We're not 16 we're at a beach and that's kinda gross. STOP. so obviously this whole me and chris thing is not for the long term and he knows that he even said to me today he wouldn't be suprised if i came back with a way better boyfriend or something....things are weird...why arne't you here so i can just avoid that situation all together? WHY? 3 weeks or so right? and next weekend will be a good break.
Current Mood:  annoyed
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